


every night i feel it

by carissima



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hand Jobs, M/M, Pain Kink, Where We Are Tour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 07:06:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1679219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carissima/pseuds/carissima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Dream big or go home," Liam says quietly, staring up at the ceiling. "What's the point of having dreams if they're not big and crazy and everything you could ever want?"</p><p>Set after the strong perfect noble warm interview.</p>
            </blockquote>





	every night i feel it

**Author's Note:**

> A massive thank you to Carrie for changing the entire focus of this fic and making it a million times better than it was.

Louis' not sure why, in that particular moment, during that particular interview, he decided not to be a dick for once. It probably had something to do with how bone-crushingly tired he was, and had been for months. They'd had no idea when they started the tour at the start of the year, eager and full of energy and excitement, just how fucking miserably tired they'd be by the end of it. How much time they'd actively try and spend apart because being on the road together was fraying both their nerves and their patience. He hasn't had more than a few consecutive days at home since February and he misses his mum and his sisters and Stan and a million home comforts that just aren't the same, not when he's brewing Yorkshire Tea in a hotel in Milan and playing kick-about whenever he can find a space large enough to fit some training in.

Or maybe it was because Liam had been having such a shit time recently and the strain on his face, in every tightly-held muscle every time Louis squeezed into his side, made Louis' head hurt a lot because there was nothing he could do about it.

Or more likely, he'd been playing up in interviews for so long that he couldn't tell anymore when he was being a dick or not. So when Louis was asked to compliment Liam, he simply said the first words that came into his head.

He'd turned to his left and casually put his hand on Liam's leg, a fleeting touch of _don't worry mate, I've got this_ before he glanced down at the floor. "Liam is strong, noble, um, perfect," he turned to glance at Liam who was staring at him, a small smile on his face but absolute confusion in those eyes that Louis found far, far too expressive, "and warm." He saw Liam's eyes widen even while his smile stayed in place, and he had to look away. "Warm," he repeated, his voice dropping slightly, eternally grateful when Liam didn't make a thing of it and had just turned to Niall to continue the game.

"Hey Lou, how come you never call me perfect?" Niall asks as they stumble out of the interview room together and head for their car and the bliss of being that much closer to heading home.

"Because you steal my teabags and you play your stupid guitar at 3am when I'm trying to sleep and you said last week that you'd date Harry out of everyone in the band, so you obviously have terrible taste in both men and mates," Louis says easily, his hand sneaking out to poke Harry in the side and grinning when he gets a mild _heyyy_ in return.

"So Liam's perfect because he likes you best?" Niall says, as he gives Liam a gentle shove that has Liam laughing and reaching over to tickle him in revenge. Niall dances away from him, which results in the two of them racing off through the building, Paddy wearily trailing after them.

Zayn moves into his side while Harry spots Lou and Lux and heads over, a big smile on his face as he reaches for the little girl who reaches back for him with an excited giggle.

"I'm sure he's bribing her to like him best," Louis mutters, frowning. "Probably bribed Niall too. Niall's anyone's for a bowl of chips or cheap Irish flattery."

"You know Harry's on some kind of personal quest to make the entire world love him best," Zayn says easily. And yeah, of course Louis knows. And sometimes it breaks his heart a little, knowing that there's a hole of insecurity inside of Harry that drives him on, whether it's the little girl who's loved him at first sight for being daft Uncle Harry or it's the cynical critic who dismisses him as a pointless excuse for a celebrity. But he's spent too many hours talking to Harry about it with nothing ever changing, so mostly he tries to ignore it and protect Harry where and when he can.

"Well, he's not _my_ favourite," Louis says stubbornly. "Liam is."

"Apparently so," Zayn says amusedly as they step outside. Louis pauses, knowing Zayn's routine too well as he lights up and takes a drag, followed by a long, contented sigh. "Liam'll be bouncing off the walls for weeks from it."

"Nah, he knows Niall will be my favourite tomorrow," Louis says easily, breathing in Zayn's second-hand smoke because sometimes his willpower is absolutely non-existent. He leans in, letting his chin rest on Zayn's shoulder as he scouts the scene in front of them; too many parked cars and people rushing in every direction while Harry ignores Paul's attempts to get him in the car where Liam and Niall are still shoving at each other. There's a low hum of noise behind the gated drive where fans are waiting for them and he just wants to be home where there's no clamour. No one yelling at him to be up early or _just one more interview_ or telling him to smile nicely because there's a long-lens camera pointed right at him while he's trying to relax for five goddamn minutes.

"You're as bad as Harry, you know," Zayn tells him after a few more drags. Louis catches Paul's eye and nods because he's as eager to get out of there as Paul is, but he knows better than to ask Zayn to speed up or stub out his cigarette before he's ready. A crabby Zayn is the last thing any of them need right now.

"I'm not," Louis protests, even though he's not sure what point Zayn's trying to make. He just automatically rejects any comparison to anyone else on principle. "Wait, why?"

Zayn just gives him a look like he's being stupid before he stubs his cigarette on the wall and throws it in the bin. "C'mon, Paul's glaring at us."

Louis frowns but he follows Zayn towards the waiting cars. "Paul's always glaring at us," Louis mutters. "What makes today any different?"

Zayn shoots him an indecipherable look over his shoulder as he climbs into the car, shifting towards the back where he falls into Niall.

"Get off me, ya big lump!" Niall grumbles even as his arm curls around Zayn and pulls him in closer.

Louis takes the nearest seat to him, next to Liam who's already got his headphones in and is bopping his head to something loud and probably terrible, Louis thinks as he reaches over to lower the volume. Liam barely blinks, just shuffles over a bit more towards the window as Louis settles himself and the car starts moving.

He gives Liam a whole thirty seconds before he's poking him and pulling faces and generally being as awful as he can be until Liam takes his headphones out and turns to face him, fond smile in place.

"I'm bored," Louis announces inanely. "Entertain me."

"What a _noble_ gesture that was Liam," Harry calls from the back, laughter evident in his voice. "Putting Louis before your music."

"You're just jealous because he wouldn't do it for you," Louis calls over his shoulder before he turns to Liam and cocks an eyebrow. "Right, Payno?"

"Uh," Liam hesitates, clearly torn between what Louis expects him to say and not wanting to hurt Harry's feelings.

There's a horrible, mean, terribly tiny part of Louis that wants to push Liam into saying it. A selfish, jealous, petty part of him that he mostly tries to ignore because he knows he could. That Liam would probably do almost anything Louis wanted, if Louis pushed those buttons he spent years figuring out.

"Fine," Louis huffs, although he slides his hand over onto Liam's denim clad knee and squeezes probably a bit harder than is entirely necessary. "Niall, you've been bumped to my favourite. Liam's clearly not even close to being perfect."

Liam's laugh is soft as he bats Louis' hand away, even as Zayn's calling out something soppy like how _he_ thinks Liam's perfect and Louis turns in his seat to smile winningly at a smug-looking Niall. "Niall, have I ever told you that I think Ireland is just the _best_ country?"

There's a groan echoed around the car even as Niall's grin grows to painfully bright proportions and Louis grins cheerfully as Zayn and Harry roll their eyes at him and make stabbing and strangling motions behind Niall. "Ignore them, Niall. They're just jealous."

"You're such a child," Liam murmurs next to him and Louis turns to glare at him haughtily.

"Excuse _me_ Liam, but I am older than all of you and therefore I am the wisest, most mature person in the band and you should all idolise me as your fearless leader," Louis says smartly. "Just like Niall does."

"Yeah, okay Lou," Niall says and there's only a faint thread of sarcasm in his voice so Louis lets it go.

"See, Niall gets it," Louis says as he turns back around and folds his arms across his chest. "You could learn a thing or two from our little Irish friend, Payno."

"Yeah, probably," Liam says quietly before he digs his elbow gently into Louis' side. Louis nudges him back, not being quite so careful, laughing when Liam lets out a yelp, his arms coming up to hold Louis' wrists in defence and allowing Louis to slip into Liam's side, which is maybe what he wanted all along.

"It's a good thing you've got me to show you the right way, Liam," Louis murmurs, feeling Liam relax next to him and drop his wrists, because maybe this has become a bit of a routine for them now and he's too comfortable exactly where he is to move. "The Tommo Way."

Liam just hums next to him and Louis can't see to be certain, but he can all but feel Liam smiling. Louis curls his hand around Liam's wrist, squeezes gently then lets the gentle movement of the car lull him to sleep.

*

By the end of the Midnight Memories video shoot, Louis' dancing on his heels, ready to go home and celebrate his birthday. He doesn't even bother to stifle a yawn in the hopes that Ben will take pity on him and let him go, since it's his birthday in exactly 17 minutes and 31 seconds.

"Tired, mate?" Zayn asks, even though he looks as shattered as Louis feels. They're all aware that this is their last official work commitment for the year before they regroup for the Brits but that's almost two months away and even then, they've got some time before tour rehearsals really start because the first few days are always a complete write-off.

Louis can't fucking wait.

"Was hoping we'd finish earlier," Louis admits, shoving his cold hands in the pockets of the jacket he stole from Harry earlier and hadn't bothered to give back. Harry had simply stolen Niall's, who'd stolen Zayn's and Liam had ended up with Louis' original, less warm coat. He refused to feel guilty about it though, not when he was finally able to start feeling his toes again, thanks to Harry's penchant for expensive winter warmers.

"Not long now," Zayn murmurs. He's staring over Louis' shoulder at something but Louis hasn't got the energy to turn, not when his nose is pink and frozen, his cheeks are probably flushed with cold and they're all still adjusting to the severe temperature drop after spending most of the year in vastly warmer climates. He's probably going to look shit in the video anyway but he doesn't give a damn because he's minutes away from a two month break where he can do whatever the fuck he wants, eat and drink what he wants, train for as long as he wants and go wherever the fuck he wants without hundreds of people screaming at him.

"C'mon," Louis mutters, stamping his feet against the ground. "What's the hold up?"

"This," Zayn says with an amused smile before he hears the first notes of Happy Birthday being sung horribly out of tune considering they're on a music video shoot and he turns, finally, to see Liam standing there looking as excited as if it were his own birthday, holding out a chocolate cake still in its tinfoil packaging with five candles on it. He's not sure of the significance since he's turning 22, but he's certain there will be one because it's _Liam_.

When Liam thrusts the cake under his nose, Louis takes it with a happy grin because he fucking loves his birthday and it's not even midnight yet so he's getting an extra long birthday, which he's always fond of. He waits impatiently for the singing to stop and the cheers to start before he blows out the candles in one go.

"Cheers everyone," Louis calls over the clapping and hollering, lifting a gloved hand to wave as he tries to catch as many eyes as possible.

"I guess that's a wrap then," Ben says over his shoulder, his hand on Louis' as he leans forward and sticks his finger in the chocolate icing before he licks it with a grin and walks away. "Happy Birthday Louis and Merry Christmas to the rest of you too! Now get the hell out of here and I'll see you next year."

"I hope his fingers are clean," Liam says in complete seriousness which has them laughing and Liam shrugging, his cheeks burning.

Everyone peels off one by one to head home, Liam holding his cake while Louis gets birthday hugs and kisses from everyone on the crew until it's just the five of them standing there in the cold, alone with a finger-shaped hole in Louis' birthday cake.

"Thanks for the cake, mate," Louis says to Liam as they turn to make their way back to their cars, nudging Liam with his elbow.

"Hey, how'd you know it wasn't me?" Niall protests behind them.

"C'mon Nialler," Zayn says with a laugh. "Four years and you've never bought anyone a birthday cake."

"It's a fair point, Zayn Malik," Niall says before a scuffle breaks out. "Besides, I'm not _perfect_ enough to buy the _perfect_ birthday cake, right lads?"

"Nah, only one man for that job, right Louis?" Harry says with a laugh.

Louis rolls his eyes and resists the urge to turn around and smack him. It's a heroic effort. "Liam's back to being my favourite, boys. Unless someone's bought me a Ferrari for my birthday."

"Nah, I'm a bit short this year mate," Niall says with a snort. "Guess I'm really not _perfect_ after all."

When they say their goodbyes in the car park, Louis gives Niall a pinch for the teasing, getting a bright and cheerful laugh in response. Eventually it's just Liam standing with him, cake still in his hands, as Louis opens up his car and carefully takes the cake and puts it in the passenger seat.

"Seriously mate, thanks for the cake," Louis says as he turns around. Liam's standing there looking ridiculously pleased with himself and Louis tugs him in for a hug. He burrows in tight, Liam's warmth surrounding him and he tucks his head into Liam's shoulder because no one else is around and Louis just needs a proper cuddle for reasons that have nothing to do with the rapidly dropping temperature.

"Don't fall asleep on me Lou," Liam murmurs and Louis' head snaps back because he'd just been about to do exactly that. "I'm glad you liked the cake. We wanted to do something since we're not seeing you tomorrow or anything."

Louis had made plans months ago to spend his birthday back at home in Doncaster when he'd been in Australia and tired and emotional and sick and he'd just longed for home. Now, he feels a bit guilty because Liam's smiling at him and being great and yeah, maybe a little perfect actually, and Louis' about to get in his car and disappear on him for two months before they start writing again.

"Actually," Louis says, grabbing Liam's wrist and turning it so he can see the time on Liam's stupidly expensive, flashy watch, "you are. It's officially the anniversary of my day of birth."

Liam's face visibly brightens as he turns his wrist, still in Louis' loose grip but Louis has no intention or desire to let go, to check his watch. "I get to be the first to wish you a happy birthday," he says happily, his eyes crinkling as he reaches for Louis' other wrist, his thumb brushing over his pulse gently.

"A marked improvement on last year then," Louis points out because he's never been one to forgive and forget, even Liam. Or maybe especially Liam. It had been his 21st, after all.

He sees Liam's face fall slightly and sometimes he hates his own lack of sensitivity, or perhaps it's Liam's oversensitivity. "Well give me a hug then, since it's my birthday," he says because it's his solution to most Liam-shaped issues.

Liam's arms encircle him again, his lips brushing against Louis' temple as they fit together, Liam's arms around his shoulders as Louis' arms lift to wrap around Liam's waist. Louis knows he should be hitting the road already since he's got at least a 90-minute drive ahead of him but there's always been something overwhelming about Liam's hugs. Even back at the start, when they were awkward together and Liam's hugs were too short and unsure, and few and far between, there was still something comforting about them. He was always steady and strong, whereas the other boys would fold almost as soon as Louis closed his arms around them. Harry had the softest core, curling around Louis which means Louis' the one holding Harry up. Zayn pulls Louis into a hugs but it's usually a one-armed hug that Louis falls into. And Niall always cuddles into whoever he was hugging.

Liam, though, would stand still and sturdy and just let Louis hang off him however he wanted. Liam was tangible. Concrete.

"Happy birthday, mate," Liam mumbles into his shoulder.

Louis holds on for a few more seconds before he steps back and pats Liam's arm. "Cheers mate. Have a good Christmas, yeah?"

"Yeah, you too," Liam says. He's smiling but it's slightly muted, not quite reaching his eyes.

"Don't miss me too much," Louis says, simply because there's nothing else he can say. He can't take Liam home with him, tempting as it sounds. "I'll see you in February, anyway."

"Yeah, February," Liam says, before he clears his throat. Louis reaches over to stroke the careless growth sprinkled across Liam's jawline, the short bristles tickling the pad of his thumb. "Text me when you get home, yeah?"

"Yeah okay," Louis says with a roll of his eyes because honestly, no matter what else changes, Liam's still a worrier. Instinctively, his thumb travels over Liam's bottom lip, plump and red and a little slick where Liam's constantly licking or biting it. It's a terrible habit that Louis tries his best not to notice, really. Liam puckers his lips, kissing Louis' thumb with a smile and Louis grins. "And I'll call you, yeah?"

"Yeah. See you later, Lou," Liam says as Louis' thumb drops away. Liam takes a few steps back, still holding Louis' gaze before he ducks his head and spins on the heel of his boots to walk away. Louis watches him until Liam disappears through the parked cars and he slides into his driver's seat. He glances at his cake one last time, smears his index finger through the icing and sucks it clean before he throws the car into reverse and starts his long journey back home.

He texts Liam as he falls into his bed in Doncaster, wrapping the duvet around him until there's nothing but soft cotton cocooning him. His phone buzzes almost immediately in response but he hasn't got the energy to reach for it. He'll call Liam tomorrow.

*

The next time he sees everyone is for the Brit Awards, all of them piling together to get ready, Lou and Caroline shouting at them for being more interested in catching up with each other than getting dressed or having their hair styled. When Lou finally releases them to Paul, they fall into the car together under strict instructions to stay wrinkle-free and _not_ to climb over each other until at least after the awards are over.

Louis' half in Liam's lap before the car starts and Harry's tucked into Zayn as Niall sprawls across both of them.

"I can't wait for you guys to hear the songs we've been working on," Liam says, turning to face the boys behind him, his hand resting lightly on Louis' thigh as he moves. "They're ace. Louis' like, he's really good at figuring out what I'm trying to say and making it sound great. Lyrically."

Louis tries to fight back the swell of pride at Liam's ridiculously soppy words, but he fails miserably. He settles for pinching Liam's thigh instead.

"Aww, proper little partnership you two haven't, isn't it?" Harry coos. Louis seriously thinks about smacking him. "Right jealous, aren't we lads?"

"I'm happy with Dougie and the boys," Niall says while Harry pouts because Niall's not playing along with his joke. "More guitars, less pinching."

"You love my pinches," Louis says easily, his hand sneaking through the seats to catch Niall's leg.

"Fucking don't," Niall grumbles as he moves his leg out of reach, rubbing his leg absently. "I'm not like Payno. Reckon he's a bit kinky in the bedroom."

Louis' about to argue that if anyone's kinky in the bedroom, it's definitely Zayn, when he catches Liam fidgeting out of the corner of his eye. He turns slightly and catches Liam's flush about a millisecond before his head explodes with new information and god, _images_.

Harry's saying something about Liam being too noble to be kinky in the bedroom or something equally ridiculous but Louis' not really listening because he's focused on the way Liam's gone from flushed and fidgety to pale and still. Liam's removed his hand from Louis' thigh so they're not touching and that's probably a good thing because Louis' head is full of images of Liam squirming _into_ his pinches and flicks and general loving abuse he puts his bandmates through. Now that he thinks about it, Liam's the only one who actively taunts Louis into retaliation. And he's the first person Louis reaches for when he wants to play.

He reaches out, placing his hand carefully on Liam's knee. He keeps his hand there as Liam jerks under his touch before he stills again. Louis lets his thumb stroke gently against the soft material of Liam's trousers and he leans into Liam's side, bumping against his shoulder.

"Niall's an idiot," he murmurs, softly enough for Liam's ears only. "Besides, everyone has their own thing in bed, yeah? Nothing wrong with it, mate."

Liam stays silent and stiff next to him. Normally Louis would be poking and teasing him until he relaxes, but the more he stares at Liam, the more he's picturing Liam like this in the bedroom. Submissive and gorgeous with little red marks on his smooth, tanned skin, put there by Louis. Like his own canvas.

Louis shifts uncomfortably in his seat, sliding his hand a little further up Liam's thigh, warm and firm under his palm and he tries to think about anything other than how Liam might look during sex.

"What's yours then?" Liam asks him quietly, making Louis jerk in surprise because he'd been reciting Premiership footballers in his head in an effort to preserve his sanity and their friendship.

He's tempted to lie. It'd be easy to say anything at all, roleplaying or a foot fetish or anything. Anything other than the words that actually do come out of his mouth. "Same as you, I reckon."

He pulls his gaze away before he can see Liam's eyes widen in shock or surprise, he's not sure which. He looks away before Liam can be _Liam_ about it. Liam's warm hand covers his where it's still resting on Liam's thigh and that's how they stay until Paul's hustling them out of the car and they all put their best smiles on and help Niall hobble around the red carpet, taking it in turns to look after him.

Louis' unsurprised when Liam's drunk before the first award gets handed out. He's watched Liam down three glasses of wine before he'd finished his first beer and he's pretty sure he knows why. It's probably the same reason he's reaching for his second beer with a hand that trembling a little. His hand fumbles on the beer and he's saved by Liam grabbing it before the bottle crashes onto the table.

"Very _noble_ , Liam," Niall says from where he's sat on the other side of Liam.

"Uh, not really," Liam says, sounding confused because of course he hasn't even picked up on the way the boys are teasing them both about that stupid interview. Liam pours Louis' beer into his glass and drops it upside down in the bucket in the middle of the table, smiling at Louis before he turns to Niall and they start giggling and scribbling something down on a piece of paper.

Louis stares at his glass for a moment before he takes a long drink from it, the beer cool and soothing against his scratchy throat.

"Everything alright mate?" Zayn asks, because of course Zayn pays closer attention than the rest of them.

"Liam's fucked," Louis says evenly. "Guess he's not _perfect_ after all so you guys can stop your stupid teasing."

Zayn's look is curious and searching and it makes Louis feel a bit restless. He resists the urge to squirm though and just waits for Zayn to say whatever he wants to say.

"Reckon we've got a few more years before it gets boring," he says finally before he takes a drink from his glass. "How long have you two been playing replay?"

"Replay doesn't count," Louis scoffs. And it doesn't. Mostly because he's in control of replay and playing replay doesn't make him think about Liam naked on his knees, staring up at Louis with those trusting brown eyes of his.

It's been quite an evening so far and they're only halfway through.

"If you wanna talk about it, I'm here, yeah?" Zayn says softly. Louis wants to feign ignorance, he wants to say _replay_ and make Zayn's eyes roll and his mouth twist into reluctant amusement. He wants to make some dumb joke and brush it off and not think about it ever again.

"I know," is what he actually says before Zayn tugs him into a one-arm hug, almost toppling Louis to the floor before Liam grabs his chair and steadies him without even turning around. He glances up at Zayn, who's fighting a smile. "If you say one word about him strong, I'm going to trash your hair right before our award."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Zayn says dryly before Louis rights himself and murmurs his thanks to Liam.

He takes another sip of his beer as Liam cackles loudly at something Harry's said. It's going to be a long night.

*

Tour rehearsals start with a lot of teasing about just how drunk Liam was at the Brits. Louis had ended up ducking out early, Zayn's hand on his hip as they escaped the after-party and headed back to Louis' to get drunk and high and pretend that the evening had been like any other. Zayn had put him to bed in the early hours of the morning and he'd said nothing about Liam all night or in the morning when Louis woke him up with a bacon sarnie and unlimited coffee.

Really it's mostly Niall teasing Liam because every time Harry tries to, someone brings up the whole toilet break thing and Harry ends up flushed and huffy on the sofa with Liam patting his leg in sympathetic solidarity.

When they finally get around to rehearsing, Liam keeps looking over at him and grinning excitedly. Louis' helpless to resist, just as blown away as Liam is by the fact that they're going to be singing so many of their own songs, and not just that they get to sing Harry and Niall's songs, but songs that he and Liam have helped to write, crafting them together. Songs that they've crafted together. Halfway through Diana, he crosses the rehearsal stage and pokes Liam's side, frowning when Liam's voice doesn't falter because of course it doesn't, Louis thinks a bit sourly, but Liam dances away from him, his eyes bright and his smile wide. In the interest of fairness, Louis proceeds to knock Harry's microphone out of his hands during his solo and he 'accidentally' unplugs Niall's amp from his guitar. Zayn, because Louis' feeling magnanimous, gets a cuddle.

When they take a break, Louis flops down on the stage and waves his hand over towards the back of the room where the bottles of water are. "Someone get me water before I die of dehydration."

Liam drops a bottle into his hands before he lies down next to him. "Zayn's gone for a smoke, Harry's gone with him to make a call and Niall's disappeared somewhere with Josh."

"Good," Louis murmurs as he wipes his lips and puts the bottle down between them. He closes his eyes and leans back against his hands and breathes deeply. "You're my favourite anyway."

"Only because I got you water," Liam answers, amused and Louis feels Liam's leg slide against his. He turns his foot until they're hooked together at the ankle.

"You're also one half of the best song-writing team in the band," Louis says, feeling a bit smug after their run through. "Regular Lennon-McCartney, we are."

"Maybe one day," Liam says hopefully, and Louis cocks an eyebrow to stare at Liam's stupidly expectant smiling face in disbelief.

"Never let it be said that you don't dream big, Payno." Louis knows a big part of the reason the five of them are who they are is because Liam has dreams bigger than anyone should have. His own dreams had been smaller - to maybe have a career he was good at and to buy his own place one day. They'd been small dreams and even they had seemed out of reach until Liam had stood in front of him, in front of all of them, determined to win the X Factor and to get that record contract.

Only Liam had felt like a failure when they'd come third.

But by then, Harry had confessed to Louis in a quiet moment, huddled under a duvet together, that he had dreams just as big as Liam's, if not bigger. And he was going to reach them, no matter what. So Louis had pushed just as hard as the other boys, pushing them all on until they were sitting on top of the world. Harry said once that it wasn't because Louis was the oldest, but because he was a big brother. Louis had smacked him on the nose and tickled him until he almost wet himself with laughter, but it had stayed with him, nonetheless.

"Dream big or go home," Liam says quietly, staring up at the ceiling. "What's the point of having dreams if they're not big and crazy and everything you could ever want?"

"You're such a sap, Liam," Louis says, even as his hand reaches out to find Liam's. Liam turns his hand over and locks their fingers together while they lay there, silent and comfortable.

Liam's hand slips out of his when they hear the boys heading back. Louis wants to frown at him for moving away but he flexes his hand a little instead and whines at Zayn to haul him up before he tickles Harry to the ground.

It's how rehearsals go, on the whole.

*

By the time Harry starts sneezing on the shoot of You and I, Louis' shooting covert glares at Ben that get less and less stealthy the worse Harry looks. Not to mention that the rest of them are freezing their dicks off because Ben had the great idea of filming on a pier in England in March. The crew keep bringing hot water bottles out for them because it's so cold but almost as soon as they get them, they turn cool or Ben wants them for another shot so they have to shrug off the three layers they're all bundled in between shots and smile for the camera.

Fucking Ben Winston.

"Remind me why we're out in the freezing cold again?" Niall mutters as he grabs at Louis' hot water bottle and cuddling close.

"Ben fucking Winston," Louis bites off through chattering teeth. "I think Harry's almost dead."

They both glance over to where Harry's sat, wrapped in blankets and being cosseted by a few crew members who are keeping him alive with hot lemon drinks.

"Wish I could grow a beard like Payno," Niall murmurs. "Doesn't seem so stupid right now."

"Oh no, it's still ridiculous." Louis maintains it's the worst hair-related thing any of them have ever done, including Harry's current mane, Zayn's blonde streak and most of Liam's hairstyles before 2013. "But he does look a bit like a warm grizzly bear."

"If you're cold Lou," Zayn says as he appears at Niall's side, his hand sliding around Niall for warmth, "then you know who's always _warm_."

"Oh good, we're still doing this," Louis mutters as Liam bounds up to them, looking flushed and excited and yes, god help him, warm.

"Still doing what?" Liam asks as he rubs his hands together and blows into them. "Fucking cold out here still."

"Think Louis needs a bit of a cuddle mate," Niall says because he's awful. Niall's awful and Zayn is awful and Harry would probably be awful if he wasn't on death's door.

Liam's arm slips around his shoulders and Louis leans into him gratefully, ignoring Niall and Zayn's muffled laughter because they're still awful and he sneaks his hand up past the hem of Liam's jacket to bury in Liam's layers. "Better?" Liam asks him, eyes earnest because Liam's a bit awful too, but in different ways to the rest of the lads.

Liam's awful because he lets Louis put his cold hands all over his warm body without even flinching. Liam's awful because he's got a stupid beard that actually looks quite soft, now that Louis' this near, and he kind of wants to stroke it to test his theory. Liam's awful because Louis wants to get him in a room and pinch him and see whether his eyes widen in pain or pleasure.

Liam's mostly awful because Louis' been dreaming about him for the past two weeks and had more than one wank in the shower while he's thought about Liam. Liam on his knees. Liam with his hands down Louis' boxers. Liam flushed and hard. Just ... Liam.

Liam's awful and Louis cuddles closer.

*

Colombia is hot and humid and Louis loves it. He loves the heat and the noise and how alive everything feels. He'll hate it in a few days when he'll be craving peace and quiet and personal space, but when they land and fight their way through to the hotel, he's hyped and bouncing in his seat and waving at the fans as they pass through.

He grabs his key from Paul with a cheeky grin before he jumps in the elevator, fingers tapping against the rail as he waits impatiently to reach his floor. He takes exactly nine minutes to shower, change and shove his hair back into a headband before he's knocking next door. Harry opens up, dopey soft smile on his adorable face as he pulls Louis in for a hug.

"Heyyy, you're here!" Harry says and Louis manages to stop himself from saying something sarcastic because he's just glad to be here and he's glad Harry's here and he's just happy with everything right now.

"You need a haircut," is the best he can do, tangled as his fingers are in Harry's ridiculously long strands.

"Like you can talk," Niall says as they walk into the room. Niall's spread out on one bed, lying on his front as his feet kick against the wall and Liam's on the other, knees bent as his face lights up. Louis ruffles Niall's hair before he slides onto the bed next to Liam, his hand resting on Liam's knee as he mumbles a hello.

"My hair is glorious, right Payno?" Louis says smartly as Harry drops onto the floor, magazines spread out in front of him as he flicks through them.

"S'pretty long," Liam admits, his hand reaching up to tug gently on a strand.

Louis vaguely registers the way his gut clenches and his heart thuds loudly in his chest. Liam's pulled his hair before because all's fair in love and war, but this is the first time Louis' had a reaction to it other than _get the fuck off me Liam_. Well, actually he's having the exactly same reaction but it's different this time.

"Shoulda stopped at pretty," Louis grumbles as he tilts his head away from Liam's long fingers. "When does Zayn arrive?"

"Few hours," Niall answers lazily. "We're thinking of hitting the bar tonight, celebrate our first show in South America."

Louis stifles a yawn as Liam laughs quietly next to him. "Think I'm gonna give it a miss with jetlag and all, lads. But count me in tomorrow."

"Just don't fall asleep here," Harry says, lifting his head from where he is on the floor. "Unless Liam's gonna carry you back to your room."

"Because he's so _strong_ , yeah?" Niall says giddily because he's an absolute _child_ , Louis thinks as he glares at him.

"Yeah, I got it thanks Niall," Louis mutters, which only makes Niall laugh harder.

"I don't mind carrying you back if you want to fall asleep," Liam says quietly, except Harry and Niall can hear him and they both burst into giggles, while Louis sighs because Liam is _awful_. Gross and sincere and _awful_.

"You know they're messing right?" Louis says finally because he's all for taking a joke and stretching it out way past it's sell-by date, but he's not sure Liam's _ever_ going to catch on.

Liam just stares at him, a tiny frown forming on his stupid face.

"Come on," Louis says, climbing off the bed and dragging Liam with him. "Let's leave the children here."

"No inappropriate touching!" Harry calls after them.

Niall's voice follows them out, "Nah, Payno's too _noble_ for that Harry."

"It's that bloody Milan interview we did," Louis grumbles as he gets his key out and opens the door to his hotel room. He throws it down beside the complimentary fruit bowl and flops onto the bed he's probably going to sleep in while Liam falls onto the other, curled on his side to face Louis on the other bed.

"Which one?" Liam asks. His hair's grown out a bit and it suits him better in Louis' expert opinion, although he'll still have to tease him about it later. The beard has been trimmed back too, although it still looks super soft and Liam still looks a bit like a cuddly bear.

"The one where we had to describe each other," Louis mutters. He registers the quick grin Liam shoots him before he curls up so he's mirroring Liam. "They've been teasing me about it for months."

"Oh, like Zayn won't let me forget that I said ketchup for Niall," Liam says with a sigh. "We were all joking, right? I mean, I've said a million things that I love about Niall in interviews. I was just tired and said the first things that came to mind. Like you did, right?"

"Yeah," Louis says weakly. "First things that came to mind."

"I mean," Liam continues slowly, "I'm not exactly perfect. Far from it."

Louis lifts himself up and glares over at Liam, who's face has utterly dropped. "You listen to me, Payno. Alright, no you're not perfect. Who the fuck is? But you're doing your best. And your best is more than good enough for us, Liam. Always has been."

He can see the doubt in Liam's eyes. He knows why it's there. But there's still fuck all he can do about it, which pisses him off more than anything.

"Come here," he orders, frustration threading through his voice. "I need a cuddle."

He watches Liam sit up and run his hand through his hair, steadying himself and making Louis' frustration grow until it threatens to engulf him. Liam climbs onto his bed and he hesitates for a second, which nearly sets Louis off again heading straight to breaking point but he reaches out instead, pulling Liam into his embrace, his head settling on Louis' shoulder as he throws his leg over Liam's and holds on tight.

"Thanks, Lou," Liam mumbles, his voice low and muffled where he's buried into Louis.

"Shut up." Louis holds his breath for a second before he hears Liam's laugh, small and perhaps a bit too quiet, but he'll take what he can get.

*

He does it instinctively. Doesn't even give it a thought. They're five minutes from hitting the stage in Rio and Harry's singing while their hands are thrown together in a ritual he never tires of. When they break, his arm goes around Liam's shoulders and his fingers find Liam's side, pinching almost forgetfully through force of habit.

Louis feels Liam freeze next to him, even as Niall and Harry race off, Zayn trailing them. The two of them stay locked together, Liam's gaze burning into him with an intensity that should terrify him. His hand moves almost unconsciously over Liam's body, reaching down to his hip just above his jeans when Louis stills for a second before he pinches again, digging his fingernails into Liam's warm skin through his thin vest.

Liam's eyes widen and his lips move almost imperceptibly but he doesn't bat Louis away. He makes no attempt to stop him, and that kind of freedom makes Louis feel dizzy and on edge and weightless, all at once. He wants to do more. He wants to push Liam's boundaries. He always wants to push Liam's boundaries.

But Paul's yelling at them and Liam seems to have snapped out of whatever daze he was in and he feels himself being pulled towards the stage. He races out after Liam, the blast of heat in the air and all around the stadium overwhelming him and he grabs a water bottle, downing half of it before they even sing a note of Midnight Memories.

Somehow, by some miracle of professionalism that he honestly didn't know he had, he gets through the concert. He avoids Liam where he can; the temptation to touch too strong.

But he watches him. He's captivated. A whirlwind of limbs as he flies across the stage, seemingly unable to stand still. A smile that encompasses the whole stadium. Eyes that watch him right back.

When they fall off stage, Liam's right there, solemn eyes shining as Louis grabs his wrist and pulls him towards the cars. He shoves Liam into the backseat and falls in next to him, their hands tangling together silently as the boys file in. Niall's loud and Harry's arguing with him over which song got the best reaction while Zayn lazily referees, throwing in different choices with a sly grin as Niall and Harry's argument gets louder and more childish, as usual.

At the hotel, Niall disappears almost immediately to find the band, Harry trailing after him with slow apologies and a frown. Zayn pulls out his phone and a cigarette packet before he slopes off too.

"Mine?" Liam says quietly next to him and Louis nods, following Liam into the elevator. Liam fumbles with his key because his hands are shaking, but Louis' aren't much better. He has no fucking clue what either of them are doing but the need to get his hands on Liam is growing with each passing, painful second.

He's not sure what either of them are expecting but when he finds himself backed into the wall, Liam's body covering his until he's enveloped by him and he reaches out to hold onto Liam's arms in fear of his legs giving out or something else embarrassing, there's a fierce look on Liam's face before he dips closer and presses his lips against Louis'.

It's dry and awkward and his fingers dig so hard into Liam's biceps that he's surprised Liam's not pushing him away. Liam pulls back and looks up, his tongue flicking over his dry lips and helplessly drawing Louis' gaze.

He's not entirely sure he's breathing.

"Liam," he manages to say croakily, his eyes wide as he stares at Liam. "What. What are you doing?"

"No," he says shakily, dropping his hands from Louis' waist and stepping back. "You said you shared my ... you know, in the bedroom." Liam's voice falters, his eyes wide in shock and rising terror. "You, like, you said. In that interview in Milan. I thought it was a joke but then I thought maybe ... " his voice trails off into nothing.

He's got a million stories about Liam being brave. A million or more. But none of them compare to this moment, with Liam staring at him, offering him everything without knowing what Louis' going to do with it. It's so _bloody_ Liam. Liam's brave in a way he can't ever be, that he _wants_ to be and Louis' surging forward to kiss him, to reach out for that intangible entity that he can only see and experience and feel through Liam, to hold it close for as long as he can.

He buries his hands in Liam's hair, pulling him down so he can get a better angle, Liam's lips sliding against his, drawing a soft whimper as Liam's hands slide down his back and curve around his arse, pinning them closer together.

"Not a joke," he manages to say before he's pushing Liam back until they tumble onto the bed together. Louis shifts to straddle Liam's hips, staring at Liam as he takes in the slightly bruised, plump lips, the flushed cheeks and the widened pupils. "Definitely not a joke."

Liam's hand reaches up tentatively to cup the back of Louis' head, exerting the tiniest amount of pressure that Louis responds to immediately, ducking down and slotting their mouths together, his gut twisting as Liam moans and he feels it right down to his toes.

His hands move quickly, finding the hem of Liam's vest and pulling it up, breaking away from Liam's delicious mouth so he can find more skin to taste and touch and explore. Liam yanks it over his head, reaching for Louis' shirt and helping him out of it. Liam glances up at him, still looking nervous, which Louis finds incredible.

"I meant every stupid fucking word," he says quietly, his hands flattening against Liam's chest and stroking down towards his belly, feeling Liam's muscles contract under his warm palms. He leans down, wriggling down Liam's legs so he can kiss his chest, his hands wandering as they learn the contours of Liam's body with a fresh touch and a different purpose. He presses sloppy kisses all over Liam's chest, moving down to kiss his belly before he moves back up to capture his lips again.

He pinches Liam's side carefully, pausing as he listens to the gasping moan Liam makes. He moves his hand, finding another inch of skin to pinch, lifting his head this time to look down and see the way Liam's eyes glaze over for a second and his breath hitches as his back arches into Louis' touch.

"Louis, please," Liam whispers, and he looks beautiful against clean white sheets, radiating with need and want, staring up at Louis like he's special or something.

"Yeah," Louis murmurs, because he's spent years figuring out what Liam wants and what Liam needs. He slides down, pulling Liam towards him until they're on their sides facing each other. He fumbles with Liam's jeans, tugging the zip down and swearing when it sticks for a second. Louis gets his hand in Liam's boxers and grips his dick, closing his eyes momentarily when he realises how fucking hard Liam is. He pushes Liam's boxers down as far as he can, freeing his cock so he can look and see his hand wrapped around Liam's shaft, and he groans at how fucking turned on he is at the sight.

He strokes Liam carefully, whimpering when Liam's hands are tearing at his own fly, pushing his jeans down over his hips and reaching for his own dick, hot and hard and heavy. When Liam's hand closes around him, he hisses in delight, arching his hips into his touch and groaning even as he flicks his wrist, drawing a moan from Liam.

"M'not gonna last long," Liam says breathlessly, leaning in to kiss him sloppily.

"You think ... I am?" Louis answers, panting slightly as he jerks Liam a bit harder, figuring that they can do finesse next time because right now he just needs to fucking come. "Haven't had someone's hand on my dick in months."

"So ... romantic," Liam huffs out a laugh as his hand tightens around Louis' dick, his thumb pressing down as he moves his hand faster.

"Fuck," Louis pants before he freezes, his hand squeezing Liam's dick as he comes, a white hot emotion rolling through his entire body as he comes in Liam's hand, hot and messy. Liam leans in to kiss him, barely a movement of their lips together as Louis moves his hand again with determination.

"C'mon Liam," he murmurs, stroking Liam's chest with his free hand before he twists Liam's nipple hard.

Liam's whimper is low and beautiful and in perfect synchronisation as he comes in Louis' fist, sticky and warm.

Louis strokes him a few more times before he lets go with a wince at his hand and falls back against the mattress, heart racing and breathing heavily.

After a few moments, he feels Liam rolling away and he makes a half-hearted protest.

"Just cleaning up," Liam murmurs before Louis hears the sound of running water. Seconds later, Liam's cleaning up his hand with a wet towel before he throws it onto the table. Louis stares up at him, still a bit dazed and ruined and clueless as to what the hell they do next.

Liam seems to make the decision though by tugging off his jeans and climbing back into bed wearing just his pants. Louis figures it seems like a good idea and wriggles out of his own, kicking them off before he rolls over and winds up half-sprawled over Liam, grinning down at him.

"Hi," Louis says inanely.

"Hi," Liam repeats, his hand reaching up to brush Louis' hair back from his face.

"So," Louis says cheerfully, his eyes dancing as he leans in to brush his nose against Liam's, amused when Liam blushes. "Seems like we like each other's dicks."

Liam stares at him for a second before he lets out a laugh that rumbles in his chest where Louis' laying on him. It's a nice feeling. "You're terrible, you know that?"

"You're terrible because you like me for being terrible," Louis argues, his hand trailing down Liam's side and pinching him gently. His lips curve as Liam's breathing stutters before he brushes the tender skin with his thumb.

"Yeah, I do," Liam admits quietly. It sounds like a declaration of sorts, the kind that has Louis pausing and looking up, even though it's blatantly obvious Liam likes him because not only have they been best mates for three years and business partners and everything else, but they've just had their hands on each other dicks and Louis feels like that's a pretty big statement in itself.

"I like the way you look when I pinch you," Louis murmurs, lips skating across warm, taut skin. "I like the way your eyes light up and the way your breath hitches. Did you know you do that, Liam?"

"No," Liam says, his voice unsteady as Louis nips at his tummy. "No I didn't."

"S'beautiful," Louis whispers. "Addictive. We'll have to explore that little kink of yours later, Payno."

He feels Liam's hand rest in his hair as he nuzzles into Liam's tummy. Can feel Liam stirring underneath him.

"Our kink," Liam corrects him quietly.

Louis grins as he kisses Liam's hip, his fingers slipping underneath the waistband of Liam's boxers teasingly. "Yeah, ours," Louis agrees as he slides Liam's boxers down his thighs, helping Liam kick them off before he quickly sheds his own. "We'll figure it out together, yeah?"

"Yeah," Liam breathes out as Louis moves up to kiss him sweetly. "Like always."


End file.
